I just ran across an article about parents who received a multi-million dollar settlement with their daughter’s school. The parents claimed they had complained often about the constant bullying of their daughter in school and on her phone and social media. They called the cell phone “a lethal weapon” and said the school didn’t do enough to protect their daughter, who committed suicide in 2017 because of the abuse.
https://www.cnn.com/2023/07/31/us/new-jersey-school-bullying-suicide-settlement/index.html
I’m among many who were bullied in school. In those days, we didn’t have cell phones. Still we had groups of thugs who pretty much ostracized those they wished to “other”, pick on, shun, physically attack, shame, and more, like stabbing with pencils. We were the smallest kids in the class, easy marks. We were smart, kind, and vulnerable, so we had to be taken down by the bully and his or her helpers (lieutenants, as they are still called, those who did and still do the boss’s bidding).
Some were afraid to speak up, but I complained not just for my sake but for others. Do you know what the teachers said? They called me a “tattle tale” and told me to grow thicker skin. I found no support, empathy, or sympathy in school. NONE! The bullies had a way to blame me for their abuse. Sound familiar? Victim shaming?
If it hadn’t been for my mother, holding me when I cried, I think I would have killed myself. If my parents talked with the school, I don’t recall. All I know is that I felt alone and vulnerable, not just in class but on the playground, where I faced unprovoked physical, mental, and emotional attacks frequently by gangs of boys and gangs of girls.
We have to stop saying, “Kids are kids”, “boys will be boys”, “buck up”, “grow thicker skin”, and “stop being a cry baby” by adults, who are bullying with these words.
What I see on display in our culture today is continuing foul play by bullies, who stereotype, ostracize, single out, threaten, demean, dominate, manipulate, attack, and the list goes on. Bullying begins in the home and continues in schools, at work places, on social media, and in politics, just to name a few places. And the victims are to blame. This use of projection is a “strong man’s/ bully’s” tactic to control the victims and lieutenants, who know what will happen to them if they are disobedient. Their need to “belong and be praised” overrides the effects on the victims.
How can we address the issue of bullying at home and in schools to begin with? How can we teach empathy, kindness, and love? The adolescent suicide rates from bullying are on the rise. How can we help our children who are suffering constant abuse online and in schools?
Here is one resource with sections on cyber bullying, laws and help for schools and children.
The link to the CNN article has information on suicide prevention. The rise in child suicide is staggering.
Our children are our future. How can we help both the victims and the bullies? Why do children bully? What about adults who bully? All of these questions must be addressed if we wish to stop the cycle of violence caused by bullying.
Copyright © 2023 Barbara Harris Leonhard
All Rights Reserved
Barbara is the best-selling author of Three-Penny Memories: A Poetic Memoir (EIF- Experiments in Fiction, 2022). A poem from this collection was nominated for a Pushcart Prize in 2022. Also, on Spillwords, Barbara was voted Author of the Month of October 2021, nominated Author of the Year for 2021, and recognized as a Spillwords Socialite of the Year in 2021. In November 2022, she became Editor for MasticadoresUSA. Barbara is a Netter-Go Getter. She enjoys bringing writers together at Zoom open mics and readings.
Facebook: Barbara Harris Leonhard /barbara.leonhard; Instagram: @meelosmom123
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