Yesterday I posted on the dangers of bullying others. But how do I bully myself? Practicing Loving Kindness has helped me realize I am my own worst enemy.
- I criticize myself about my aging body, my stupid failing memory, my bad habits.
- I compare myself to others and feel jealous, lacking, unable to measure up.
- I call myself names.
- My monkey mind snacks on fear and rage, and other negative feelings which upset my tummy and increase inflammation in my body.
- I nurture a mistrust in others. Become callous and cynical. Avoid groups.
A few years ago, by allowing negative thoughts to tangle in my mind, I became depressed. Everything felt dark and threatening. I had slipped into the abyss. Anxiety, paranoia, deep fears. Seeking help brought me back.
Depression is a common ailment stemming from many factors. I learned that I wasn’t taking care of myself. My poor diet was starving my brain of glucose, which contributed to the emotional imbalance. Because I was skipping meals and binge eating carb-rich meals, my blood sugar was spiking and crashing, and not feeding my brain. What I had developed “the worst case of reactive hypoglycemia” the doctor had seen. Hypoglycemia made me “hangry”. The need to eat caused me to be contentious, ready to stab my husband’s hand for taking too many peas on his plate.
Healing is a process. I made changes to my diet and saw improvements in my mood. Had I not sought help, the depression and negative behaviors could have had dire consequences.
Self-care is an act of kindness for your mind, body, and spirit. In Loving Kindness, it is the most crucial act of compassion, a fierce love. Neglecting the mind, body, and spirit is a form of neglect. Add in the self-blame, it is a form of bullying.
After practicing the meditation for a few years, I realized that I am my own contentious person. My inner critic can easily take over if I am vulnerable, that is, exhausted, overwhelmed, in a fear state, anxious, triggered and so on.
If I bully myself, I may bully others. How can I love and heal others if I can’t love and heal myself?
Depression is easily treated, and again, not just one factor may be causing your depression, and healing may involve peeling off layers of pain.
Realize there is hope. Mainly love yourself. Care for yourself. This powerful antidote will ripple out to family, friends, benefactors, strangers, the contentious, and all beings everywhere.
The path to healing isn’t linear. Sometimes I feel like I am in control, but then I feel like I’m backsliding into depression again. I must listen to my body, mind, and spirit constantly. I monitor…
- My diet (not just of food but everything I ingest, like the news)
- My sleep
- My thinking
- The pain in my body
- My emotional states
- My activity level
Extraordinary Sunshine Weaver 
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