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Francis Weller on Grief

Published by

Meelosmom

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Photo by Danielle Cohen (borrowed from Living a Soulful Life, Francis Weller’s Website)

Have you noticed how difficult it is to grieve a loss? We are encouraged to “move on,” “tears won’t bring them back,” “get on with your life,” and so on. Is our troubled relationship with grieving related to our fear of death?

Francis Weller speaks and writes about grief in poetic terms. Nurturing a robust community (village) of support helps people to navigate grief and loss. How is learning to grieve related to joy? How does self-reliance affect the grieving process? Do we just grieve the loss of a loved one? What are the other personal losses we experience and never resolve? What are the losses of the world (environment)? What rituals have we lost over time that help our souls? How has our severed relationship with ancestors caused grief? Is our current state of anger and rage related to our stuffing away our grief? All war is compressed grief, he says. “Anger is revelatory. Intimidation is meant to silence a relationship.” Through intimidation, we lose part of our soul. Addictions (secondary satisfaction) result when we lean on power, wealth, status, or rank. Empire. Those things feed us, not nurturing sacred communal practices. Gratitude is a partner to grief. Mature people can carry one in one hand and the other in the other hand.

I’m including links to two of his books on grief that I have read. I’ve gifted The Wild Edge of Sorrow to friends who have experienced deep loss.

Francis Weller (2013) at the Minnesota Men’s Conference

6 responses to “Francis Weller on Grief”

  1. T. W. Dittmer Avatar
    T. W. Dittmer

    Grief caused by the loss of a friend or family member can turn into acceptance that death is part of life or realization that they have been taken home to Heaven.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Meelosmom Avatar
      Meelosmom

      Yes, true, Tim, but it may take some longer to get to that point, and I feel in my cases of loss, I was rushed to that conclusion.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  2. Dawn Pisturino Avatar
    Dawn Pisturino

    There is such a thing as “abnormal grieving” in the mental health sphere. However, who determines that? My mother never got over the loss of my brother, and it ultimately killed her. Nothing was ever going to convince her to stop grieving his loss.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Meelosmom Avatar
      Meelosmom

      I agree that anything can go too far. I’ve heard of cases of broken heart syndrome and death. I didn’t state it clearly, but I was trying to consider the stages of grief. Acceptance of loss is an important part of the grieving process. I believe we shouldn’t rush people to acceptance because it makes them stubborn, but we can be present to them, allowing them to navigate the grief. I find that there is no linear path to acceptance. People can jump from acceptance back to sadness and back to acceptance throughout the grief process. The stock phrases we use about moving on are not always useful. Even if people seem to accept them, they stuff the grief inside, which only hurts them in the long run. It becomes anger.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  3. Carol anne Avatar
    Carol anne

    Thanks for this Barbara! I needed this and it came just when I am grieving, too! I’ll check these books out!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Meelosmom Avatar
      Meelosmom

      Since you are a poet, you may love his writing style. His way of using imagery to describe grief is pure poetry. I hope you are doing OK. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

      Liked by 1 person

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